How to Choose a Therapist
Therapists are as varied as the general population. When choosing a therapist, it's important to select the right one for you and to consider switching to somebody new if they turn out not to be a good fit. Here are some ideas to consider:
The right therapist may feel wrong at first.
Starting therapy, especially for the first time, can come with a ton of anxiety and discomfort. This can get in the way of determining right away if your new therapist is right for you. So unless there is a huge red flag from the outset, it is wise to spend two or three sessions settling in and getting used to the process before making a decision.
The right therapist should be practicing within their scope of competence.
Many therapists have spent time on extra training in a particular technique or in treating a particular population or presenting issue. The right therapist will assess whether they have the appropriate type of training and experience to help you reach your therapy goals and will refer you to somebody else if needed.
The right therapist should make it about you.
If you are leaving every therapy session having learned all about your therapist's life, they are not the right therapist for you. Many therapists will occasionally disclose a detail about their life here and there, but if you know their entire life story by the third session and they haven't learned much about you, that's a huge red flag!
The right therapist doesn't tell you what you want to hear.
Therapists are supposed to help you reach your therapy goals, not be your friend. If your therapist nods along and appears to be in agreement with everything you say, they may not be helping you grow. The right therapist will gently challenge you when needed.
The right therapist should listen.
All therapists have to interrupt you at times - that's just a part of the job. This can be for many reasons, such as time constraints, pausing to process something important or shifting the focus away from story-telling. However, if it feels like you can never get a complete sentence out, or your therapist never seems to be tracking what you share about your experiences, that's a problem.
The right therapist should model good boundaries.
Good therapists will respect your schedule and will start your session on time, at least most of the time. They won't answer calls during your session unless it is an emergency. They won't eat lunch during your session. They won't call you at 10pm. And they will expect the same respect from you in return. A therapist with loose boundaries is probably not the right therapist.
The right therapist can manage their own emotions.
Therapy can be very emotionally charged at times, but a good therapist regulates their own emotional responses in therapy sessions. Whilst a therapist may occasionally be visibly affected by your emotions and may even shed a tear alongside you, it should never feel like you are having to take care of them.
The right therapist should handle feedback appropriately.
Many of the issues we have talked about so far can potentially be corrected with a conversation, so tell your therapist about it first. A good therapist can take in your feedback and address it without becoming defensive and without invalidating you. If they are unable to hear your feedback and take corrective action, it might be time to consider finding a different therapist.
